Everything you do is consistent with your self-perception!
“I will become great when I grow up one day!”
As a little girl I was convinced with no doubt in my heart that when I grow up I will become someone who will make a difference in this world. I wanted to have a truly brave heart and go against conformism just like Robin Hood did.
Years passed and I’d like to think that in many ways, driven by this self-perception and expectations, the little girl proved she has the capability, potential and even bravery to one day blossom and become everything she ever dreamt of.
But the ‘grow up day’ was somehow always ahead...
What's more my little girl's "waiting case" wasn't an isolated one - she was surrounded by people who just like her lived in waiting.
I guess the narrative in her head could have been something like:
“you have it all, you just need to wait to grow up and then the world would see”.
People are often chained by their beliefs and perceptions to a demo version of life rather than the real, full HD one. They continue to prepare for the big moment, looking for the feeling of being "ready".
As time passed and regardless of age, I observed myself and others to still be testing the waters instead of actually swimming. Funnily enough the reality of life was giving no one reasons to think we are children or that we are even testing. Yet, the houses, the careers or businesses, the relationships, the responsibilities, the independence or even achievements were insufficient to convince us!
This example of quiet and subconscious self-vision is not the only one but it served to show how less than useful self-perceptions and beliefs can stay under-cover even when we want to be alert. They have negative implications for most aspects of life – from family and romantic relationships to achieving your true goals, it all suffers.
Below are the 4 steps you can take to find and change what may be holding you back.
1. FIRST: find out what is the self-perception that holds you back.
Look no further than the results you are getting in your life!
It might sound harsh but the results you are getting are a reflection of your self-image. If you are not getting what you want, find the reason within you! Once, I watched a video of myself that I hated. My feelings weren't provoked by reality - it wasn't such bad video, but it triggered me as I could clearly see what I BELIEVED about myself. I wasn’t OK with the images due to perception through which I was looking at them.
What is it that you are not happy about in your life?
What beliefs in regards to who you are are getting you those results?
Take your time and do this with the full intention of owning the process and being responsible for your life.
The knowledge you will gain from this exercise is in itself a tremendously important factor in successfully dealing with your negative self-perception. In my case, only by recognising the problem I was able to see in which situations it was holding me back and start taking decisions different to what my sub-conscious mind would previously lead me to.
2. SECOND: Experience what it is like to be who you actually want to be.
Close your eyes. See in front of you an image of yourself sitting down. It’s a big colour image on a huge movie screen. See yourself sitting there with excitement, rubbing your hands, listening, seeing, and taking it all in.
Now imagine someone really intelligent, someone you admire, who has the answers you are after. See that person stepping into you. You are watching someone else stepping into you on that vast screen. It could be Einstein, it could be the president of United States or it could be a Wizard from a book. See the new you. You can only see yourself but inside it’s this great person. Now you listen and see through their eyes and ears.
Imagine on that screen that you see your new self in the future. You got a profound understanding of what you need to do and you’ve done it. You can see your face, your expression, your satisfaction of the outcomes. Enjoy the sensations. Hear the sounds around you, your breathing. Make the colours a bit brighter and the image a bit bigger. You are tremendously happy and everything is just the way you knew you could make it. You and the incredible person within you are one. Take your time to fully process and enjoy the picture.
Now go back to the first image where you were sitting. Stand up from the place you were sitting and physically make a step forward into the second image of your new self. Celebrate it again! You have made the transition and you are no longer waiting for things to come to you. Feel how good you are.
Everything happens in our imagination including our self-perceptions. Remember that.
3. THIRD: Substitute the old self-image with a new one.
For example, I perceived myself as a little girl who is not taken seriously. My new self –perception is that I’ve always been a strong woman who is taken seriously for who she is.
Articulate for yourself what would be the opposite of your current limiting/ negative belief?
4. FOURTH: Film yourself after you’ve been through point one to three.
Use your phone or camera and talk for 5min about yourself. Before watching the video get ready to see it through the eyes of your new self-perception. I am watching mine through the eyes of a strong, gorgeous woman who is taken seriously for who she is. Write down what you loved about the image?
“You differ from a great man in only one respect: the great man was once a very little man, but he developed one important quality: he recognized the smallness and narrowness of his thoughts and actions. Under the pressure of some task that meant a great deal to him, he learned to see how his smallness, his pettiness endangered his happiness. In other words, a great man knows when and in what way he is a little man. A little man does not know he is little and is afraid to know. He hides his pettiness and narrowness behind illusions of strength and greatness, someone else's strength and greatness. He's proud of his great generals but not of himself. He admires an idea he has not had, not one he has had. The less he understands something, the more firmly he believes in it. And the better he understands an idea, the less he believes in it.”― Wilhelm Reich, Listen, Little Man!
Our self-perceptions are created at a very early age. Then most of us continue to live the rest of our lives with the beliefs of a child. You are in control of growing up and not letting what's no longer applicable to run the show.
Enjoy you! Be proud of you!